Barefoot in the Snow

By Emmy

Fandom: Lost
Pairing: Shannon/Sawyer
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I own nothing and seek no profit from this story. No copyright infringement is intended.
Distribution: Emerald Illusions, my LJ, Any Yahoo group or LJ community that I post it to, and any fic archive associated with said groups or communities. Anyone else please ask first. I like to know where my stories are going.
Summary: Shannon's first New Year's Eve after they were rescued...
Feedback: Yes, please. It makes me all happy-like.

Author's Note: This story takes place on New Year's Eve, but it is not exactly a New Year's Eve story. ;) Post-island.

Huge thank you to Susan for the beta.

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All in all, Shannon had a busy year. They had been rescued from the island six months before, Christmas had just come and gone and they were a few hours away from celebrating the New Year. Boone had made a point to tell her that nearly everyone sent a card, and that even a few of them sent presents. Everyone, of course, meaning the people from the island. Even Sayid, Boone had said. But that didn't surprise Shannon, and she knew that Boone had sent things out to all of them as well. She'd probably even signed her name to them. He tended to bring her things all December long; gift tags, cards, letters ... she rarely bothered to read them, she never had. It was a bit too much bother to notice, in her opinion. Even when the gift was for one of them.

In truth though, Shannon hadn't noticed much of anything over the days leading up to Christmas. In fact, she looked at the calendar; it had been over a week since she had even gotten out of bed for any length of time. Having the flu any time was horrible. Having the flu at the height of the Christmas party season sucked beyond belief. Her reputation had already been downgraded to that of the ‘girl who was stuck on that island for two years.'  She didn't know how Boone handled the way people stared at them with such ease, but then, he usually handled things better than she did.

He was at a party now, she realized quietly. He and their parents had gone to the Sheldon's, if she remembered correctly. The invitation had promised Christmas fun, and Shannon couldn't help but wonder how they could call it a Christmas party when Christmas itself had come and gone and New Year's Eve was upon them. She supposed it didn't really matter, but she was feeling better and was bored as hell. She'd already showered and brushed her teeth. She'd gotten dressed. She'd even gone downstairs in hopes of finding someone to talk to, only to find that the servants had been given the night off. She'd scowled at that and plopped down in front of the television, thinking all the while that she hadn't wanted to talk to any of them any way. ‘Wouldn't lower myself for anyone.'

Yet, even as she thought that, she knew it wasn't exactly true. Shannon had not lowered herself for him so much as he'd risen to her level, but their relationship had never been one she would have began had they met under normal circumstances. She closed her eyes and sighed as his face immediately appeared in her mind's eye. Smiling at her, his eyes shining, Shannon felt a wave of pain shoot through her. She hated to admit it, even to herself, but he could still get to her. She still missed him. More and more every day, if she was honest with herself.

She opened her eyes and forced herself to focus on flipping though the TV stations one by one only to find, like she always did, that nothing was on. She hadn't really expected there to be. Shannon didn't watch much television these days. The crime dramas, the melodramas, the reality shows ... they all seemed so trivial and mindless now. But then, nothing had been the same at home after the island. Not even the things she'd thought she'd missed so badly while they'd all been lost there.

Still, after being home for six months, she would occasionally wake up in the middle of the night, safe and warm in her extra soft bed, and wonder why she couldn't hear the ocean. Sometimes she'd roll over and see her alarm clock and think about how out of place it was on the beach. But most of the time, she just missed him. She could admit that alone in her bed, hidden by the dark ... and sometimes she could admit it to herself in the light of day, or even to Boone if he got her drunk enough. It all came down to comfort, she tried to insist. Shannon had just gotten used to having him around. She'd gotten used to falling asleep with her head on his chest, to waking up with his arms around her waist. She'd gotten used to the smile he'd give her when they talked about trivial things like their favorite colors or how old they'd been when they had gone to the dentist for the first time. Under the stars, they'd talk and talk until they were both relaxed enough to sleep. And now, after having that for so long, sleeping without him was just ... wrong. It simply didn't feel right.

Boone understood. They'd even talked about it. They joked that he had to get her drunk to open up now and they blamed it on him, but it wasn't really his fault. She'd just changed, and sometimes she thought it was a change for the better. She thought Boone felt bad about it, though ... the way things had turned out. That, more than anything, made her hesitant to talk about anything. Shannon didn't want Boone to feel bad, or guilty, for anything. Even if she didn't get the letters he got.  Or the phone calls. Boone even got an occasional visit, but she wasn't bitter about that. She was actually quite happy for him, though he wouldn't believe her if she ever told him. It was true, however, no matter what he thought.

Shannon loved watching his face light up when he'd find a letter amongst the bills and invoices every day brought him. Or when the phone rang with that now familiar number popping up on the caller-id ... Boone would just get this look of joy on his face, and Shannon couldn't help but be happy for him. She wasn't heartless, after all. And she did like Jack.

She still couldn't stop the smirk that came unbidden to her face at the thought of Jack and Boone first announcing their relationship. It was after something had happened, after yet something else had put one of them in harm's way. She couldn't even remember now which one of them it was. Jack and Boone had neither one made a secret of how glad they were to see each other when everything was over, though. She'd already known, Boone never kept anything from her for long, and she'd been able to savor the look of shock on Kate's face. It had been a wonderful moment. Everyone got past their shock, though, after a while. Especially when it became apparent to everyone that the two men loved each other.

The fact that she was happy for them, for Boone, didn't change the fact that a pang of jealousy shot through her at the sight of every single letter Jack sent him. Or that she didn't get just a little more than a bit depressed when the sound of Boone's laughter would filter into her room while he was on the phone with his lover. She honestly expected any day to hear the words she silently dreaded. She knew they were coming. Everyone did. Boone would soon go to live with Jack ... it was inevitable. And part of her wished it were her about to leave home to live with her boyfriend from "the island."

Shannon knew that she had no right to be jealous. She knew that, from the beginning, what she had with him was not any where near the kind of relationship that Jack and Boone had. Even if it felt like it could have been at times. It was her fault, though. She had been the one to fall in love with him when they'd promised there would be no strings attached. He, though, had kept his end of the bargain, it seemed.

There was a program on television about Hawaii. Shannon watched it in silence, wondering if the sand of that beach would feel the same under her feet as the sand she'd slept on for so long. She wondered if the waves crashing would sound the same, or if the sounds of civilization trickling down to the beach would wash away the peaceful melody the water could play all on its own. It was times like this that she missed the island. She couldn't explain it, didn't want to explain it, but that didn't change the truth. She knew she would never be able to go to a beach again without comparing it to the paradise she'd known for two years. Even if that paradise came complete with a plane crash, evil French-Canadians, and a still unnamed monster. ‘Oh,' she added. ‘And polar bears. We can't forget the damn polar bear.'

The doorbell rang then, pulling Shannon out of her thoughts. She turned off the TV and sighed. It was likely a reporter, overzealous and eager to capture the "survivors" at home for the holidays. She'd heard the butler fend off about twenty on Christmas Day itself. She scowled as she realized that he had the night off as well and that she'd have to answer the door if it was going to be answered. Realizing that personally bitching out a camera wielding parasite for interrupting her evening would be the perfect cure for her boredom had her up on her feet and almost rushing to the door. She looked out of the peephole and gasped, her breath catching in her throat.

Slowly, Shannon unlocked and pulled open the door. She tried to smile, but she was pretty sure she didn't succeed. "Sawyer."

"Sticks."

"What're you ... I mean, hi."

"Hey."

She held the door open. "Wanna come in?"

"Well, I don't want to stay out here. It's kinda cold," he smirked.

She couldn't help but grin. "I could make you."

"Suppose you could."

"Leave your coat in the closet there..." Shannon turned and walked into the house and smiled when she heard the door close behind her. Sawyer's footsteps following her down the hall. She walked into the den and sat down on the couch. He followed close behind her and sat a few cushions away.

"You don't look so hot, Sticks."

She shot him a look, narrowing her eyes. Sawyer held up his hands and shook his head. "You look beautiful and you know it. All I meant is that I didn't expect to find you sick, is all."

She shrugged. "I'm almost over it. No fever today."

"Flu?"

She nodded. "Yeah. Boone gave it to me."

"I had it already."

"Sucks."

"No shit."

She smiled. "What are you doing here?"

"Wanted to see you."

"Why now?"

"Why not?"

She blinked. Having no idea how to respond to that was merely the tip of her confusion. "It's been six months..."

"So it has."

He didn't seem to care. It was like he didn't see a problem in just showing up with no warning after spending months smiling at her in her dreams. It was too unreal, seeing him there, sitting on her couch. Shannon knew, in her mind, that he was there and not a memory, not a dream, but she was afraid to reach out, afraid to touch him. She was terrified that he'd disappear before her eyes just like he had in every one of her dreams.

"What's wrong?" his voice was quiet.

"I don't know what to say."

"Yeah?" Sawyer looked at her. "So don't say anything."

"Well, that's a great idea, but I don't know what to do either."

He closed his eyes. "Maybe I shouldn't have come."

"Sawyer..."

She was handling things badly and she knew it. She watched him stand up and blinked back the tears that sprang into her eyes at the thought of him leaving.

"This was a mistake."

‘No,' her mind screamed. ‘No, it wasn't.'

But she couldn't say it out loud. She couldn't seem to do anything but stare at him. The pain, the heartache she'd lived through in the months since the island, it was still too fresh. She had ignored her, ignored the time they'd spent together, the life they'd made, on the island for six months. She'd not heard a single word from him since they'd all parted ways. She'd loved him. He knew that. And still, she hadn't even gotten one call, one letter, one ... anything. Shannon had no idea what to do now, now that he was standing right in front of her. She couldn't even begin to know what to do.

But now he was walking away. He was out of her front door before she could stop him and she was still sitting on the couch. And that was worse than not knowing what to say to him. That realization hit her like a ton of bricks. Shannon was on her feet and running then, and she didn't stop to think even for a second. She was out the door, calling his name, and running down the front walk, hoping beyond hope that he would stop and come back.

"Sawyer! Wait! Please ... wait!"

He turned and Shannon ran up to him, throwing her arms around his neck. He lifted her easily and she wrapped her legs around him, clinging tightly to his familiar body. "I missed you so much," she whispered.

"Hell baby, I was afraid ... when you didn't ..." his voice trailed off.

Turning his head slightly, Sawyer captured her lips with his and Shannon closed her eyes tight. It didn't matter, she realized, that she didn't know what to do, or that he had hurt her. What mattered was that he was here and she was in his arms again.

He pulled away and put her down. "You're barefoot."

Shannon shivered despite herself. "So?"

Sawyer rolled his eyes. "Girl..."

"Oh, shut up. I'll go back in if you come with me."

"That, Sticks," he smirked. "That I can do. If you really want me to."

"I really want you to."

He smiled then and she reached out and took his hand. He pulled her close, kissing her briefly. "Let's go, then."

She smiled back at him and led him into the house, closing the door behind them. Boone and her parents would be home soon and introductions were something she'd rather avoid for tonight ... if she could manage it. Boone she knew would come in to check on her when he got home, but Shannon didn't think he'd get upset over seeing Sawyer there. That thought in mind, she squeezed his hand and led him to the stairs. Her bedroom would be a much more relaxed place to talk anyway. To talk. Shannon was convinced that was all they would do for a while. Talk.

She didn't know where their ... relationship was headed, but maybe, just maybe, she could keep Sawyer around long enough to find out. Or, at least get an idea of where it could go.

She smiled as she led him into her room. "Wanna talk for a while?"

"Talk?"

She nodded. "Yeah. I tell you what I've been doing since we got back here to the real world, you tell me what you've been doing ... you know, talk."

He grinned. "Ah. Right. Talk. Yeah. I think we could manage that."

She smiled. "Good."

They ended up on her bed, as she knew they would.  She sat with her head leaning against his shoulder, and he had his arm wrapped around her. And they did talk for a little bit ... before they fell asleep. 

End Fic.